Paul’s inane ramblings

July 9, 2009

Eeew…just eeew…

Filed under: Ramblings — Tags: , — snee @ 9:06 am

Quiet moment at work, so I’m re-reading some of B3ta’s QOTW answers. Then I came across this one:

A long, long time ago I was living and working in London. Whilst visiting some friends from home we used to regularly wonder about the mysterious moving duvet that lived in my friends squalid but sunny squat.

Every day when she would leave the house her duvet was on her bed but every night she got home it had moved half way across the floor. All rational explanations for this were ruled out. It being a rather temporary squat for young Irish students not much was really thought about it I suppose. This particular duvets origins were unknown. Nobody knew who bought it or how long it had been there or indeed when or how it had appeared and indeed apart from its rambling nature and some curious staining not much was thought of it – I mean it was a dirty squat anyway.

It came to pass that some overly curious individual decided to investigate further and found out something which nearly 20 years later still makes my stomach flip. The duvet in question was one enormous breeding ground for some type of bug. The bugs used to follow the sun around the room and so the sheer volume of bugs was able to physically move the duvet across the room following the path of the sun.

The poor individual who used to sleep with this fetid blanket of bugs was later to remark that no other duvet would ever be the same as the bugs predilection for warmth meant that whilst sleeping the duvet “used to hug her back” was the way she put it.

And there you have it – women = dirty, dirty creatures (well, you’d never catch me putting a cock in MY mouth).

Coffee* machines

Filed under: Ramblings — Tags: , , , — snee @ 7:46 am

*The liquid they spew is allegedly coffee…

Anyway, the coffee machine at work is a lot like this one:

Simple to use – plug in your money, press the selection you want, add sugar (if required), add water, then scald yourself as you carefully carry the resulting brew to your desk.

As the meerkats say “Simples!”

But this machine has an ulterior motive – that is, to confuse me…

Let me explain: when you insert money, it beeps thus:

1p – 1 beep
2p – 2 beeps
5p – 1 beep
10p – 1 beep

I remarked to someone the other day that the 2p gave 2 beeps – why? they thought for a while and came up with the idea “Ah, it’s because it’s a bigger coin!”

1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, £1, £2

And lo, he could be right.

This answer answered my query, and I went on my way happy.

Until this morning.

Having little change, I had to feed the machine a 20p coin (drinks are 15p each, and the machine doesn’t give change, so this is something I try to avoid doing – unless I’m “getting a round in”)

The fecker beeped twice, and, as you can see from the pic – the 20p is far smaller than the 10p, but it made the machine beep twice!

This is messing with my head somewhat…I know – stop thinking about the minor things.

But I can’t stop thinking about it…

Oh dear – I really did link to the meerkat site didn’t I…call the men in white coats.

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