A work of fiction, but my first attempt at writing: *snigger*
It’s about a guy – let’s call him ‘Tit’ (it’s close enough, and calling him ‘Twat’ would give it away).
Now, this guy is working for a small company, earning not too bad a wage as the manager of the workshop. During his time there, he’s had a few perks – traveling abroad, use of company vehicles and a company phone. Life is good for Tim Tit.
Then, the company decides to lose the company car and buy a van instead – makes sense financially – the car is redundant apart from taking the Twat Tit to and from work, while the van can be used for deliveries. Anyway, life is good for a while. After a while, the small company buys a people carrier which is used to ferry personnel to and from the airport as work abroad takes us worldwide. Then, horror of horrors, someone called, um, ’smee’ happens to pass his driving test, and, seeing as he and another office worker (we’ll call her Marina 
)work in the same road, smee is allowed the use of the vehicle to ferry them to and from work.
All is good with the world – smee religiously pays for fuel used on his own time and everything is flowery and w0nderful. Well, except in the world of Tim the twat Tit. He sees bad things behind everything, and being the complete cnut he is, starts moaning about life, the universe and every fucking thing. But – not to smee’s face – oh no, Shithead Tit is too much of a fucking loser scaredy cat to do that, he whinges and moans behind smee’s back, making out how hard done by he is, and what a wanker smee is (probably true – smee is a right one).
And so it comes to pass that things take a downturn and the company is thinking about cutting costs, so of course the people carrier is up for sale. Said vehicle is sold by Tit and he delivers smee’s personal items from the vehicle with the biggest, smuggest smile you’ve ever seen – a thing of wonder to behold, for Tit isn’t one to smile, having married the ugliest fucking ‘woman’ you’ve ever seen. And so smee rejoices at seeing him so happy…
And all is wonderful and flowery once more – smee borrows a vehicle from a friend which happens to be the same kind of people carrier as the one the company sold…life goes on, albeit with regular moaning from Tit (well, once a tit, always a tit eh?). Business with the company is once again going well, and smee is asked (as the only person in the company with both a passport and no commitments) to travel abroad working.
Now smee – having worked abroad with Tit previously, had no problem with this, and as Tit had told him when working together abroad “Hydraulic engineering is a piece of piss – you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to do it…”, soon realised that yes, it was a great job to have, and meeting the customers head on was great, leading to extra work and orders.
And so, once again, life was very good – no complaints from the customers, even praise from them.
Then the world went into a financial abyss, and work seemed to dry up. Tit asked the question why the workshop personnel weren’t getting the work while the office guy (smee) was. This was explained that smee had no commitments while the others had, and as such, could travel at a few hours notice.
As a result of the latest complaint from Tit, the company had to look at this and decided to put the work into the workshop where possible…
And, once again, life was good and everything was golden and stuff…
But wait…there was major jealousy still brewing – Tit still believed that smee was getting preferential treatment, possibly even the use of a company car (this being the car smee’s mum had bought for him), and so Tit decided to hand in his notice (or maybe just call a bluff)…
Sorry, the story ends at this point, it’s too laughable to continue to be honest – if I can get REALLY positive feedback, I’ll continue…until then, Tim Tit will remain anonymous, and this story will be 99% fiction – with added twat.
As this is a fictional story, I would just like to make the following thanks:
Tim, for being a complete arsehole – I seriously hope you can face up to me and not bottle it and go to Corina. Tony, for being the ultimate windup merchant, ditto Mick. Arek for being the one guy I’ve really enjoyed working with, and finally, Dennis – my boss – for putting up with me for all these years.
Tomorrow should be fun…personally, I can’t wait.
One more thing…Tim? when you read my blog, I know…you are a PEANUT! love you 
pffft…you know where I am (you twat).
Sooooo…what do you think? personally, I think my writing lacks something…maybe this:
TIM – FACE UP TO ME YOU PEANUT, AND STOP HIDING BEHIND EVERYONE.
Ooops, I think I may have been a bit strong there – I meant to call you a HALF A PEANUT (AS IN: NO USE TO ANY FECKER). Apologies for any misunderstanding, and to anyone used to the usual fluffiness etc. – but he really is an arse…
Oh yeah, can you tell I’m a little pissed off, and maybe a little jetlagged? I was there to do a job – I did that, now I have to concentrate on it so I’m feeling just a little frazzled…live with it – I have to, and so will ‘Tim the Tit’ if he grows some balls…
Tomorrow we at the office may recieve Tim’s letter of notice…or maybe he’s bluffing. If he is, I’m over the workshop to pick it up in person. I so want a confrontation with the twat…
Please note: when I’ve used the word ‘peanut’ I never intended to, I honestly meant to use the word ‘aunt’ but with a ‘c’ instead of the ‘a’…’cos let’s face it – Tim is a cunt.
Sorry.
EDIT: jetlag or annoyance? I think I have both…I’ll take any bets if they’re going? (not on the jetlag/annoyance thing)
).
