I’m so glad they have my back…

An email I got today:

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC.
WASHINGTON D.C ROOM,7367
J. EDGAR HOOVER FBI BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,
NW WASHINGTON, DC 20535,

RE: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET

We believe this notification meets you in a very good present state of mind and health. We the Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington, DC in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a transaction going on with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regards to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favour accordingly.

It might interest you to know that we have taken out time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful right to claim your fund without any further delay. Having said all this, we will further advise that you go ahead in dealing with the Central Bank office Nigeria accordingly as we will be monitoring all their activities with you as well as your correspondence at all level.

In addendum, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the person of Mr Sanusi Aminu Lamido along with some of the top officials of the Ministry regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in abase depending on when you personally come for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the Executive Governor and the Central Bank office.

We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs. Joan C. Bailey from OHIO has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$10,000,000 (Ten million United States Dollars), but the Central Bank office did the wise thing by insisting on hearing from you personally before they go ahead on wiring your fund to the Bank informations which was forwarded to them by the above named Lady, so that was the main reason why they contacted us so as to assist them in making the investigations.

They further informed us that we should warn our dear citizens who must have been informed of the contract payment which was awarded to them from the Central Bank of Nigeria, to be very careful prior to these irregularities so that they don’t fall victim to this ugly circumstance anymore. And should incase you are already dealing with anybody or office claiming to be from the Central Bank of Nigeria, you are advised to STOP further contact with them in your best interest and then contact immediately the real office of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) only with the below informations accordingly:

NAME: Mr. Sanusi Lamido Aminu Sanusi
OFFICE ADDRESS:Central Bank of Nigeria,
Tinubu Square Tinubu
Lagos – Nigeria.
TEL: +234 812-075-2261
Email:cbn_sanusilamido432@accountant.com

NOTE: In your best interest, any message that doesn’t come from the above official email address and phone numbers should not be replied to and should be disregarded accordingly for security reasons. Meanwhile, we will advise that you contact the Central Bank office immediately with the above email address and request that they attend to your payment file as directed so as to enable you receive your contract fund accordingly.

Ensure you follow all their procedure as may be required by them as that will further help hasten up the whole procedures as regards to the transfer of your fund to you as designated. Also have in mind that the Central Bank of Nigeria equally have their own protocol of operation as stipulated on their banking terms. Once again, we will advise that you contact them with the above email address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary information which they may require from you prior to the release of your fund to you accordingly.

All modalities has already been worked out even before you were contacted and note that we will be monitoring all your dealings with them as you proceed so you don’t have anything to worry about. All we require from you henceforth is an update so as to enable us be on track with you and the Central Bank of Nigeria. Without wasting much time, will want you to contact them immediately with the above email address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any further delay as time is already running out.

Should in case you need any more information in regards to this notification, feel free to get back to us so that we can brief you more as we are here to guide you during and after this project has been completely perfected and you have received your contract fund as stated.

Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in advance as we earnestly await your urgent response to this matter.

Best Regards,

ROBERT SWAN MUELLER III
WASHINGTON D.C ROOM,7367
J. EDGAR HOOVER FBI BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,
NW WASHINGTON, DC 20535,

Email: fbioffice314@gmail.com

Sigh…the actual header told me this came from: “FBI OFFICE” <burkert@sohu.net>, but I kinda like the fact the feebs use gmail
Anyhoo, this has put me in a pretty good mood – especially after a chat with the boss earlier…

Basically, this whole eASE thing is stalling – Wang in Singapore seems loath to put any more time into it (he’s already been paid and has spent the cash – no surprise there really, I’d feel the same), so the boss was chatting with a guy on the south coast who seems to know his onions. Basically, if Wang provides server access to the existing database code, this guy reckons he can incorporate my design and get everything up and running in about 6 weeks for about £10k. I expressed to the boss that the stalling point would be if Wang didn’t want to hand over his source code.

So, next week, boss and me are having a 2 day jolly meeting with the web guy (no, not spiderman) down in Bournemouth, and Wang has said (and I quote) “If Paul says he’s ok, we can go ahead.” – that’s how well I impressed him during my hectic schedule of meetings when I was in Singapore (makes a note to call the carpenters to widen the doors so I can get my big head out). So, assuming everything goes well next week, I’ll be back out in Singapore with the web guy (no, not spiderman) to introduce him and help him get acquainted with the existing site setup…

Heh – check this out – was gonna embed it, but I’m too busy, and WordPress is funny about things like that…

It’s that day again…you know – THAT day…

On the bright side though, it’s 3.30 in the afternoon so it’s nearly over (well, the work part anyway).

What a strange weekend I had – it was all up and down (oh stop it, I meant emotionally). Worked out OK in the end though – I ended up with a handmade snooker cue worth about £300 for £50 and yesterday was all about eating – had one of the Royal Oak’s HUGE Sunday roasts at lunchtime with Liam (I invited Harriett, but she had her kids). I picked her youngest up from her mum’s after dinner for her, and when we dropped her off, Harriett decided to join Liam and me for a post lunch pint. Meeting up with another mate we then ended up going for another roast at the Toby Carvery in Bedford (Harriett joined us for this). So, at this point, Liam and me had both had 2 big roast dinners.

After eating our fill, we returned to the Tudor for a couple more civilised drinks (ha!), it got boring, so Chan and me wandered into town. Nobody was out, so we had a couple of drinks then decided to head back to the Tudor…via the chicken place – mmm hot wings om nom nom.

Shame Spurs couldn’t beat Fulham on Sunday, but after a draw we get the replay at White Hart Lane, and the winners go on to a home tie against Portsmouth – so, Spurs are 2 good home wins away from a Wembley final against Chelsea (who should beat Aston Villa in the semis)…

Ack…

I’ve mostly been ill this week with the so called ‘winter vomiting virus’.

And it’s no fun let me tell you – I’ve quite literally done nothing but puke, shit and try to keep sips of water down…

But – I feel much better today and have so much to catch up on too…for a start I have to return my Nokia N97 to get it mended (the slide lock switch fell off – a common fault it seems), so I’ve had to rebrand it with the Vodafone crappy button…

Oh well…

Been such a busy morning…

I was in early, and have only just stopped (no, really). Sitting here with a coffee, I decided to check out some old QOTW answers on B3ta (I WILL get you all over to the ‘dark side’ at some point)…came across this corker:

Pearoast: chav vs window
So we’d just had a nice Sunday lunch at my Mum and Dad’s and my girlfriend and I set off home. With the girlfriend driving we made our way down the street my folks live on. It is about a minutes drive to a T junction at the end.

About half way down some baseball cap wearing little scrote, faux adidas trainings bottoms hanging round his arse, riding a BMX, screamed out of a side road in front of us causing us to have to brake sharply. He then weaved all over the road, occasionally turning to laugh at us.

Now my girlfriend isn’t the most patient of drivers. An otherwise friendly and loving lady turns into a spitting demon of rage if she deems someone is holding her up on the road in any way (especially a chav). Some choice words were being aired and she accelerated up behind him in an attempt to get round.

By this time the T junction was approaching. The girlfriend put her foot down, whipped round the chav and sped towards it. The Chav didn’t like that too much and attempted to pursue, his little chavvy legs pumping for all they were worth.

Now going quite fast the car brakes were applied fairly hard for the junction.

THUMP!

It seemed the Chav had overestimated his braking ability. I turned around in my seat to see him up against the back window, his cheek nicely flattened against the glass, his arms splayed against the back of the car where he had tried to stop himself.

The junction was clear so to the tune of a muffled “aw fuckinell” we gently accelerated away. I watched with a big grin on my face as the glass peeled away from his cheek, leaving him standing there, with his hands in the air and his bike seat firmly wedged up his arse, where it had levered itself when the bike hit the bumper.

I laughed all the way home.
(stubbledchin, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 12:42, Ignore, closed)

Absolute class…I can’t stop giggling

Yid army!

What a game!

What a result!

It was touch and go for a hat-trick (whether that be an own goal hat-trick, or a Pavlyuchenko hat-trick…)

Great game though – we owned it from the kick off totally deserved 4-0 win – fully expected Pav to get the hat-trick with 4 minutes remaining…

And so I give you:

Roman Pavlyuchenko